posted by Jake

Brandon has yet to contact me about a podcast this week so I am going to type them up in a post instead (and use them as ‘Mikey’s). I guess I should apologize for the title of this article. Neither of us have really been lighting the world on fire with posts and as a result our pageviews have dropped dramatically. The title is a last ditch effort to get the ol’ Google hits back up. It also gives readers a good idea of where my cultural relevance barometer stands… that is I still think people rush to log into their America Online accounts to search for anything Britney Spears related. Who should I have used there? Maybe Lea Michele? Yeah, Lea Michele is the ticket because there are millions of perverts on the internet who love seeing chicks that look like dudes. Anywho, Brandon won again last week because the Ravens refused to shut down Arian Foster, so I am now up one going into the last weekend before the Super Bowl. Brandon would have had to win every playoff week and the Super Bowl to beat me and it is looking like that scenario might actually play out. If I beat him this week it is over, so I have thought long and hard about these… and by that I mean I just picked the favorites and gave them the ADPTP patented Kiss of Death.

THE National Football Leage ~Ron Jaworksi

SAN FRANCISCO (-2.5) over the New York Football Giants - I am going to say this so people do not think it is sour Packer grapes - the Giants are a good team. Preseason and for most of the 2011 campaign I preached to people not to sleep on New York. Now, that being said I do not think they will beat the Niners and if the Giants somehow manage that they do stand no chance against either AFC team. The Packers played an atrocious game top to bottom and the Giants were not really able step on Green Bay’s throat until late in the fourth quarter. San Fran has a stifling defense and only needs three points to cover, I will gladly take that bet. Remember how often Jermichael Finley was open? Yeah, the same will happen but Vernon Davis will catch the ball. I look for him to have a huge game, to match his penis. Not that I am making assumptions based on ethnicity, but look at him… he has to be rocking a Pringles can, right? The only thing that makes me nervous is the Niners 13-3 record. If history has proven anything in the last few years it is that if you dominate in the regular season, Eli Manning will destroy you.

NEW ENGLAND (-7) over Murder City (Baltimore) - Bro… bro, let me tell yous-ah stary about tha fahkin Greatriots. I was at tha game against Tim Teblow (looks for high-five) and this team is fahkin unstawppable. Especially with Graunk and the fahkin Mexican guy at tight end. Graunk is the the Teddy Bahlgame of Polish receivahs, not only that but he’s wicked strong. We was in the endzone on his first td, Graunk spike tha ball with sach fahce it gave my girlfriend a miscarriage. Yo Graunk, wheah the fahk was you when I was in high school bro, amright? (looks for another highfive, gets slapped) Babe, I’m kiddin… I MISS YOU’S SULLY JUNIAH! Anywho’s, I think this team is, wait a second… Tawmmy, Tawmmy, YO TAWMMY! You going up to Quinzee bro? I should do what? Oh yeah why don’t you’s go back to Toonie with ya fahkin queeah pals. What-ah prick I tellya, sorry about that. I think this fahkin Greatiots team is gonna win it all.

Although I am not sure I condone his language, our friend Sully is right. Gronk and Hernandez alone on a team would be an unbelievable weapon. But together they might make this offense unstoppable. Plus, I know two things for certain about Bill Belichick.

1. he can make the shit out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

2. he is smarter than everyone else in the room.

Although the last four trips to the playoffs have been different, I know that it just is not smart to bet against Billy B when a ring is on the line. The only thing that troubles me here is the Pats’ D, I can not tell if they have really turned it on as of late or if the Broncos are just horseshit when Willis McGahee is shut down. I am forced to assume it is a little bit of both and mostly the latter. This is also be the case for the Ravens though. If Ray Rice is not running effectively and the Pats force Joe Flacco to beat them, then they are in great shape. And if you question Joe Flacco’s ability to win a ring because he has not yet, he will call you biased while bitching to ESPN about it. On the other side of the ball the Pats quarterback has better hair than most females and has three rings. I like Pats by 10ish setting us up for an interesting Super Bowl. Nothing by Defense vs. nothing but Offense… #bartscott.

2011-12 ‘Mikey’s Record - 25-15-3 (.616)

All-Time ‘Mikey’s Record - 74-40-5 (.642)

Last Post – 4-1 (.750)