Because the only thing better than Sports, Boozing, and Gambling is being Al Davis.
The two year anniversary podcast is here! The boys first discuss the Week 11 lines, which may be a bit out of date, but the second half of the podcast contains the boys pledges for the future of ADPTP. Look for a Week 12 lines post tonight. Enjoy!
The Week 10 NFL Lines podcast is here. The boys start by discussing how sick they are of people talking about Penn State, then talk about Penn State, and then delve into every NFL line with an abundance tangents. They of course finish by talking about the Monday Night game and the chances of their beloved Packers going 16-0. Enjoy!
Posted by Brandon
Our, and by “our” I mostly mean “my”, vast incompetence knows no bounds. Yes, Jake may have stooped to posting a photo of our picks last week but I two upped him. Not only did I forget to post them…I forgot to make them. To be fair, we are awarding Jake the week since he did take the time to make and email me his picks.
I would make promises to post and/or get a poddy up soon, but I’d rather just be lazy than be a lazy liar. Hopefully I’ll get you some 55 Percenters soon, especially because I’ve been hot lately. I actually made a ridiculous parlay, one that there was no logical reason to make this weekend. That’s right, the infamous (and rarely profitable) 3 team underdog money line parlay. I took the Jets +125, Ravens +155, and Bears +300 for 22 to 1 odds. For those not paying attention, all three teams won and my $10 parlay paid nicely. Maybe now that I have a nice little fund in my account, it will motivate me to put some time and effort into my picks.
On the bright side, I am in my final semester (final month actually) of school, so will have more time very soon. This is unlikely to lead to anything productive, but I thought I’d fill you in. I do have a Mike Vick Myth piece tossing around in the ol’ bean, so hopefully I’ll write that up soon.
I could pull a ‘Brandon’ in which I am given the responsibility of posting picks and then just not do it. But that’s not what I am about. Unfortunately extenuating circumstances (hangovers) have stopped me from writing an actual post. So no one thinks I am lying, here is a photo of of the piece of paper with our picks on it. Around noon I will wake up and type something, but for now I need to focus on not having a ‘day after drinking vomit’.
The Week 7 Podcast is here! The boys discuss the NFL lines, the strange Steelers lines, the Badger-Sparty game, and their beloved Packers. Enjoy!
posted by Jake
A fan has sent us his Hatred Power Rankings. How sweet that my boiling over rage has spilled over to our all of our fans (7 to be exact, thanks to my mom and her bridge friends). I will not sit back and let them speak for themselves - I will add ed. notes that will be in italics, you can also read my Badgers/Sparty preview at Chi City Sports. The picture will make sense later.
Justin from Oregon writes…
This is my sports only Hatred Power Rankings. Note: Even though the list is 1-5, #1 is like two orders of magnitude more hate than #2. I’d like him dead (ed. note: our lawyers would like to point out that Al Davis Plus the Points does not support that murder or accidental death of any current, or past sports personality).
5. Jay Cutler: His whinny bitch act on the sidelines gets old, I enjoy it to a degree because he’s getting hammered, but it still is infuriating.
4. BCS system: Seriously, give me a 16 team tournament. The BCS system encourages cupcake non-conference schedules, because for most teams one loss means no chance. (Here are my points for pro BCS - 1. if you want to play in the title game, do not lose… god, what is that word for that? Oh yeah… a playoff. Every week is a playoff. But, waaaaaah waaaaaah Boise does not get to participate. Yeah, because they play essentially New Mexico State 12 times a year. What’s next, the winner of the NIT plays a best of 7 series to see who is REALLY the champion? 2. other than when Auburn went undefeated and did not play, name another year when the two best teams in the country did not play for the BCS title… go ahead, I will wait)
3. Compton Business Cats: Revenge Part 2 coming Sunday, November 20. (this may be a little too ‘inside baseball’ but the Business Cats are my fantasy team for the Keeper League and our lovely writer is still angry because I beat him Week 1 then lost my best running back and I 
am still in first place in our division. Also, I have an old school WWF style rivalry with him. New Quick Hatred Power Ranking - 1. Justin from Oregon - stop putting two spaces between a period and the new sentence so I do not have to edit your e-mails for 15 minutes before posting them. This is a blog post not your fourth grade report about Tom Sawyer… the picture on the left I think sums up the two words I have for you. November 20th, Week 11 #bartscott.)
2. Tony LaRussa: A crybaby bitch. Why don’t you get drunk and pass out at a red light? At least he didn’t kill anyone. (the twitter account @OldHossRadbourn said it best, (paraphrasing) ‘you know for a guy who we constantly make fun of as a drunkard, he sure manages in the World Series a lot’.)
1. Yadier Molina: The guys is a douche, prick, asshole, and a good baseball player. I hate him more than any player in professional sports. (finally, something we can agree on… although he is the best all around catcher in Major League Baseball. I think Yadier also echoes me sentiments from Point 3. Kisses, your ed.)
posted by Jake
I will say it, we dropped the ball. Saturday was a sad day here at ADPTP with the passing of Al Davis. Unfortunately, neither of us could really comment though as Brandon was on his way to Vegas as the news hit and I was on the train back to Wisconsin. A proper obit should have been written but when I got back to a computer it felt insultingly late. I celebrated the best I knew how by placing foolish wagers on sporting events and getting obscenely drunk… I trust Brandon did the same. We must forge on though, and in the truest of spirits I present to you today - Hatred Power Rankings.
Honorable Mentions - Jamaal Charles’ Knees, @JGeish, Assholes Who Keep a Straight Brim on their Hat (or Do Not Remove the Sticker), the NBA, My Checking Account and (as always) Corey Hart
5. People Who Refuse to Listen to Me - I am not a modest human being. In fact I would go so far as to say that I am the most narcissistic person I have ever met in my life (then again I have never met someone who names their children after them). I say that to qualify this next statement - ‘when it comes to film and television I have very good taste’. This is thought is reaffirmed not only by sharing opinions with friends that in which I respect their taste, but also sharing many of the same interests as some of the top critics in the game (either film or television). So why is it that no one listens to me? This is a petty grievance but few dig under my skin quite like this. A perfect example is one of my college roommates who after realizing we shared common interests suggested I watch Six Feet Under and Deadwood. Seeing as I respect his opinion I validated that by watching both series, and both were outstanding. Yet, in the nearly eight years I have known him this cocksucker has yet to even tap into Twin Peaks, The Shield, Mad Men or The Wire. And now Brandon and my girlfriend has started doing it too with Breaking Bad, like they are all in cahoots to drive me fucking insane. BB is even on Netflix Instant Watch… you do not even have to burn calories changing a disc! But no, you assholes figured me out. I give up, my plan has been foiled. It is the greatest long con I have ever attempted, where for just shy of a decade I tell you to watch the greatest television show ever created in The Wire, just to 
have you finish all five masterful seasons and hate it. And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.
4. Dale Sveum - if I had to come up with five words to describe Brewers Hitting Coach Dale Sveum I would attempt to spell ‘goober’ differently five times. The guy is awful. I once described Sveum’s hitting philosophy as, ‘the more lazy fly balls you hit, the better chance you have of getting a solo home run’. I have never seen a team like this years Brewers take such awful swings ahead in the count, 2-0 or 3-1. I realize a lot of people will argue two things, that 1) maybe the Brewers just are not that good at hitting and 2) what about Braun and Fielder? Yes, both are within the realm of possibility. But let us make an analogy here. Lets say there is a math class in which a few students excel in working out the easiest problems on a test, but upwards of 90% of the class can not figure it out. Do you say that it must be the entire class is dumb or is it more likely that the teacher is not doing something correctly?
3. ‘… it’s like Hitler… ’ - this week on Fox and Friends Hank Williams Jr. was on for exactly the type of hard hitting journalism conservatives masturbating to Ronald Reagan fuck around puff piece you would expect from Fox News. Although, Hank had other plans in mind. Instead of simply talking about the GOP’s chances in the next election he (in all fairness was continually goaded by the hag in the middle) makes the bold move of saying that President Obama playing golf with John Boehner was like, ‘Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu’. Before we dissect Hank’s comments, let’s take into consideration that this is coming out of the same mouth that has used ‘don’t tread on me’ unironically and without self-awareness but he is also wearing a camouflaged Alabama hat. The only person I would trust wearing an Alabama hat to pass the GED is Nick Saban… although I am wildly impressed he knew the Israeli Prime Minister by name. But, naturally Monday Night Football pulled HWJ’s song, he wrote his own song in protest (called Keep the Change… ugh) and people generally overreacted. But let us not look past Williams Jr’s most egregious misstep - devaluing Adolf Hitler as an awful human being. Can we stop this? Not everyone needs to be compared to one of the more horrible dictators in recorded human history. Joseph Stalin, even Pol Pot are a fair comparison, but calling your cat, ‘like Hitler with paws’ because it scratched up your new couch is ridiculous. When said cat has wiped out nearly all of Europe’s mice, come talk to me. Barack Obama passed health care reform, Adolf Hitler attempted the systematic eradication of the entire Jewish people. Making these ridiculous comparisons we are slowly trivializing the atrocities he was responsible for. That being said, this morning I did spill coffee on a ‘dry clean only’ shirt and it was my personal 9/11.
2. St Louis Cardinals -a few Hatred Power Rankings ago the Cardinals made the list, although the argument could be made they should never leave. Currently the Milwaukee Brewers are tied 2-2 in the NLCS with the Red Birds and my hatred boils like never before for that team. The Cardinals play with a swagger of a team that can not lose and have for the most part outplayed the Brewers in this series. I think what makes me hate them is how much I respect them. Albert Pujols is one of the greatest right handed hitters of all time, and Tony La Russa commands respect if only because he’s nipping out of a flask all game. Allen Craig will hit 20-25 home runs if he ever plays a full season and David Freese is one of the best young players at the hot corner. There are players to hate… and a lot of them. Chris Carpenter constantly chirps at players while pitching and Matt Holliday won the 2009 award for HGH’s Man of the Year while being runner up to the honor in 2010. But maybe the player to draw the brunt of my ire - Rafael Furcal. This asshole has not stayed healthy for 20 consecutive days since 2006, and out of nowhere he comes off his reserved spot on the 15-day DL to tear up the Brewers and help the Cards charge into the Postseason. I will say this though, if the Braves had made the playoffs the Crew would be playing the Phillies right now and the series might already be over. It does not change that I can not stand this team and would be happy if they never won a game again for the rest of my natural born life.
1. Remakes, Reimaginings and Prequels - this weekend at the box office morons will be treated with either a remake a Footloose or a prequel to The Thing. I guess my biggest question is, why? I will admit, I did not think Footloose was anything special but many feel it is a classic. I mean were there studio heads that were screaming, ‘it has been 17 years since we have had a movie where an entire town outlaws dancing, someone get on that!’ And The Thing is even more sickening to me, they have taken one of the greatest horror movies of all time and gone, ‘you know what, let’s take all the mystery and intrigue out of the monster and give it an 
origin story’. Is Hollywood completely out of ideas at this point? Maybe the most insulting to our intelligence is professional hack Paul WS Anderson’s reimagining of Three Musketeers. This is not a film, this is an abortion on celluloid. I am 99% positive that if we were to show Alexander Dumas the trailer for this movie he would have said, ‘fuck it, it’s for the best’ and burned the original manuscript. The Three Musketeers did not have blimps or flamethrowers. You are not reimagining a story, you are reimagining human engineering. Here’s what I am going to do, I am going to ‘reimagine’ of one of my favorite pieces of popular fiction. It takes place behind enemy lines somewhere in Laos/Cambodia with a bunch of Spec Ops guys trapped in a POW camp, and then Jesus comes to save them as well as the rest of humanity. That joke is not going to go over well with some people. Maybe the most infuriating for me came out on bluray in September with the three original Star Wars movies (I will not now, nor ever recognize Parts I-III as Star Wars films). George Lucas is a fat asshole who needs to die… or just simply leave the original trilogy alone. I remember seeing the rerelease of Return of the Jedi with my mom and being completely confused as computerized characters waltzed across the screen and Hayden Christensen’s ghost sat with Obi Wan and Yoda at the end. I mean seriously George? One of the most iconic shots in film history and you super impose that no talent ass clown in with Yoda and Sir Alec Guiness? Go fuck yourself George Lucas. I will never own a copy of your fucked out attempt to scrape every last cent out of the only good idea you have had in 30 years, or your constant raping of the original three. This is a plan going forward too, I will not allow my children to grow up in a world where Greedo shoots first… I mean that’s like Hitler tongue kissing Jackie Kennedy.
posted by Jake
We are posting our picks again instead of podcasting them in what has seemingly become a staple here at ADPTP. It should really come as no surprise though, seeing as both of us are insanely lazy and no one listens to it anyway. This week just did not work out for us, Brandon is heading to Las Vegas tomorrow and as soon as I am done with work today, cue Diddy because I am heading back to Wisconsin. I won last weekend putting me at 3-1 over Brandon. It would be a much more comfortable lead if we were going off picks instead of just weeks won. In picking every game ATS I have gone a bananas 34-27-3 while Brandon has a putrid record of 23-38-3. Sometime I wish I was not so goddamned smart, but it’s my cross to bear. These may be a longer write up because the more time I spend rambling about random NFL games the less time I spend obsessing over the Brewers game 5 against Arizona tonight. And yes, it would not be a ‘posted by Jake’ unless I somehow brought it back to baseball. I can not wait for the game tonight to be over, I have been wracking my brain since Wednesday night, I need things to go back to normal in my head. Which if 
there was a diagram is really just a Rune Goldberg contraption… but the end result is always a bukkake reference while 7th Floor Crew is constantly playing in the background. Anywho, one of the things that has aided me to such a dominant lead over Brandon is that we have differed a lot while picking the lines. But with this week not having ‘samesies’ is (*spoiler alert*) not the case though, which is bad news for me. Now to the picks (note: these are not the currents lines, but what we bet them at the time).
INDIANAPOLIS (-1) over Kansas City
Brandon IND -1/Jake IND -1
This is the Backup Quarterback Bowl. Neither team can run the ball and both have QB’s who have been spectacularly mediocre. I will not be watching this game, and neither should you.
MINNESOTA (-1) over Arizona
Brandon Min -1/Jake Ari +1
Brandon has faith that the Minnesota Vikings can beat the Arizona Cardinals. I do not share his enthusiasm for the Vikings. They have not proven that they can beat anyone this year, and have (for some reason) abandoned the run game.
Philadelphia (-1.5) over BUFFALO
Brandon Phi -1.5/Jake Buf +1.5
This is not the smartest bet on my part - but for some reason I trust Fred Jackson to run all over Philly and trust Ryan Fitzpatrick (as Patrick Fitzryan) to manage the game… if only ‘cause he’s Havahd smaht. If the Eagles have proven one thing all season it is that they find ways to lose football games… that and they overpaid for Vick. Do not get me wrong, Mike Vick is an amazing talent but he takes too many hits which means he has injury problems. Those problems have led to him wearing a Kevlar vest and Kevlar laced helmet, but luckily for Buffalo none of that protection has changed the way Michael Vick turns over the football. I also picked against the Eagles because (as everyone knows) the city of Philadelphia was put on Earth as punishment by god for the sins of man.
HOUSTON (-5.5) over Al Davis
Brandon AD +5.5/Jake AD +5.5
Siegs and I always seem to be questioning the unabashed love for the Houston Texans. Every season they are the sexy pick to win the AFC South (and I picked them this year) and are usually favored or get unusually close lines. On the other side of the ball the Raiders have proven that if they don’t commit stupid penalties they play pretty good defense and can pound the rock. Against a team like that 5.5 is too much and Brandon and I agree.
New Orleans (-6.5) over CAROLINA
Brandon Car +6.5/Jake NO -6.5
Another disagreement between the two of us. I look at Carolina as a mediocre team with an overachieving quarterback playing against a Super Bowl quality team. I think Nawlans rolls here and Siegs trusts Cam Newton to keep Sir Purr in the game.
JACKSONVILLE (-1) over Cincinnati
Brandon Cin +1/Jake Cin+1
Woof. Here’s what I do not understand about this line. Blaine Gabbert has not shown he understands how to read NFL defenses and (although bad) the Bengals have won a few games, how are the Jags favored? I realize the home is three points, but still.
PITTSBURGH (-3) over Tennessee
Brandon Pit -3/Jake Pit - 3
I wanted to take Tennessee so bad in this one. They have a solid running game and a surprisingly effective defense. But the Steelers have Ben Roethlisberger. At this point, what can really be said about Big Ben that hasn’t already been said in a co-ed’s deposition? The guy performs whether you like it or not. And even though he has a sprained foot, injury is when he seems to really turn it up.
NEW YORK (football) GIANTS (-9.5) over Seattle
Brandon NYG -9.5/Jake NYG -9.5
I was seemingly one of the few people who believed in the Giants before the season started. They have good enough of a defense (even with all of the injuries), a solid running game, and a decent enough receiving core. I look at the Giants a lot like Green Bay Packers Lite. The front office has layered this team. They can take a few hits on defense and let guys like Kevin Boss and Steve Smith go without taking a major hit to the overall quality of the team. On the other side of the ball, Seattle is one of the worst teams in the NFL with Tavaris Jackson starting at quarterback… you do the math.
SAN FRANCISCO (-3) over Tampa Bay
Brandon TB +3/Jake TB +3
Tampa is an odd team to figure out. They were the media’s darling last year, then this year when I assumed all the NFL pundits would be dripping wet for Freeman and the Bucs all of them said they were, ‘still a few years away’. I guess they were right. They have looked inconsistent all year, dominating Atlanta then a few weeks later barely beating the Colts (trailing most of the game). That being said, the Niners (although I have bet with them the last two weeks) are 28th in total yards and even at 3-1 I trust TB more than SF.
NEW ENGLAND (-9) over New York Jets
Brandon NE -9/Jake NE -9
This team’s struggles have to be Rex Ryan’s worst nightmare… that or waking up and his wife’s feet have been amputated. In the past the Jets who have prided themselves on defense and pounding the rock and have not done either particularly well this season. The Patriots on the other hand have looked as dominant as advertised in all but one game… a game they were leading by 21 at one point. Or, I will put it another way. You best bet wit’ tha Greatriots, or is you one of dem fahkin’ queahs from Toonie?
San Diego (-3.5) over DENVER
Brandon SD -3.5/Jake SD -3.5
It is after September and before the postseason, which means the Chargers are free to dominate every team in the NFL.
Green Bay (-6) over ATLANTA
Brandon GB -6/Jake GB -6
This game makes me nervous. Although the Dirty’ Dirty has looked less than stellar all season they are still one of the more talented teams in THE
National Football League (~Ron Jaworski). Not only that, but they have a bone to pick with our beloved Green Bay Packers because we embarrassed the Falcons last year in the playoffs and (as aforementioned) have not looked the same since. But… Rodgers is looking like an MVP candidate and the Packers have looked like the most complete team in the NFL… plus, we’re both wild Homers.
DETROIT (-5.5) over Chicago
Brandon Det -5.5/Jake Det -5.5
Here are two facts involving this game. Fact 1: Calvin Johnson is probably the best receiver in football (if only because it seems he can jump 15 feet in the air so he wins every jump ball). And Fact 2: Brandon Meriweather fucking LOVES illegally hitting other players. I think he gets jealous when everyone refers to Rodney Harrison as the dirtiest player of all time. I watched most of the Bears/Panthers game last weekend and Meriweather was all over the field… leading with his helmet. Then again, Meriweather did attend The U so he is no stranger to an abundance of swagger while defying authority… I mean this is the place place the produced the 7th Floor Crew. And that my friends, is what we refer to as a ‘call back’ in the business.
posted by Jake
The reason this one is titled as it is, is basically because I don’t feel like writing something today yet feel obligated to post because I bet a few games. I realize it would be better if I made jokes about the South, or Detroit (all involved in my picks) but I just do not have it in me. Although, I am not half as bad as this chick. I typed ‘disappointment’ into Google image search and this is what came up (as well as several pictures of my parents). Look at this broad, that’s not disappoint - that is bottomless sadness. She looks seconds away from drawing a bath, throwing on Sinead O’Conner and just letting go. Dark enough for you? Good, let’s move to the bets. Also note: these are not the current lines, they are what I bet them at.
NCAA Football
#15 Baylor (-3.5) over KANSAS STATE - one of the more interesting stats I have heard this college football season is that the Baylor Bears have thrown more touchdowns than incomplete passes. Does that not seem bananas? Baylor is one of the fastest offenses in the entire NCAA landscape, the only thing that makes me nervous is that KState is 3-0 ATS this season and a decent home team.
#3 Alabama (-3.5) over #12 FLORIDA - I am not really sure why, but I fucking love this bet. As we had discussed on the podcast (which I know no one listened to) Brandon and I agree that LSU deserves the #1 spot in the country… but Alabama is talent wise the best in college football. Also, I watched Florida play last year, it was a joke. I do not believe that Will Muschamp has turned the program around that quickly. Plus, how can you trust a team who proudly produces this (BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM) to be competitive in the SEC? I look for Alabama to roll… tide (see what I did there).
THE National Football League ~Ron Jaworski
Tennessee (+1) over CLEVELAND - after I stop talking about good I think Colt McCoy could be (even though he’s still a pussy for that National Title game) and pretend that Montario Hardesty will be worth anything in the coming years, I realize the Browns still are not that good. Even though I think the front office is sailing the ship in the right direction, Captain Pussington McShoulderhurts (McCoy) does not really have a receiving core and the defense leaves something to be desired. I also think the Titans may be wildly mediocre, exceeding my expectations of them by miles.
Detroit (+2.5) over DALLAS - I tweeted after Dallas’ Monday Night Football game against the Redskins that ‘I can not wait to bet heavily against Dallas for the rest of the season’. So, here we go. The problem is, I am not entirely certain how good Detroit is. I will admit that I was wrong about them when I called them my NFC Disappointment but who have they really beat? Let us not forget that even though they are 3-0, the opponents they have beat are a combined 2-7 and were as recently as two quarters of football ago down 20 points to the Vikings. I just hope for fantasy’s sake that Megatron has 9 catches for 391 yards and 13 td’s (I realize that may not add up properly, but I wasn’t a Math Major… lay off nerd).
New York Giants (-1) over ARIZONA - I am taking 5 road teams to cover in this post… that usually ends well, right? Listen Eli Manning is a decent enough quarterback, and the defense is wildly ‘meh’. I am betting this because the past couple of years Arizona has had the worst pass defense in the league. I am not using hyperbole, they have literally been the worst team in the league against the pass for 3 years straight. Plus on top of that, (insert clever about Kevin Kolb to end the post). Sorry guys, like I said - I’ve got nothing.
2011 ‘Mikey’s Record - 21-14-3 (.592)
All-Time ‘Mikey’s Record - 70-39-5 (.636)
Last Post – 4-2 (.667)
The Week 4 NFL Preview has arrived! The boys discuss every line, the 3-0 Lions & Bills, their beloved Packers, and Jake’s love of the SEC. Enjoy!
